Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
