I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize