four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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