i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
