i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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