***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize