I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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