i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
