I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
