Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
