I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
