My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
