she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
