Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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