new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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