I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
