Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
dude. I can hear the air.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
