Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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