It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
