I want to walk on stilts...naked
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
