I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
