Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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