If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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