I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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