Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
