At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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