You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
