I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
