After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
