What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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