I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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