you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
