whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
