He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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