no, he came in my armpit
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize