In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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