guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
