Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
