Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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