After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
