Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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