I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
