My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
