BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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