i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I believe in your delicious
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
