I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
