She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
