On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
