a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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