He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
