and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I could fuck to npr.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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