you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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