I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently you make a good broom.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
