how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have aggressive nipples.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
