My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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