her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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