i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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