he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
