I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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