well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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