i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
