I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
