i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
