I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
