I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
