How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
