I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
