I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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