Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
