I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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