You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize