I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
