are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize