My liver just broke up with me...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
