Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
