Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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