What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i think im in europe. pls send help
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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