in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it glows. i had to have it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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