I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
