Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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