my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
