Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
